Who is Nigel Puddingporne's fantasy girl--the one he dreamed
about after falling asleep at work last week? We asked you to
guess. Julia Roberts? That's who most of you thought. Sharon 
Stone? Jennifer Lopez? Lucy Lue? And on and on...

ALL WRONG! The correct answer is-- Tori Spelling!!! Whoa! 

Actually, we're not surprised. Nigel is more turned on by
hard cash than true love. Tori's pop is Aaron Spelling, the
most powerful man in TV. And he's old and will probably die
any day and leave billions. After which Nigel can divorce 
Tori, take his half and start wooing sexy Hollywood stars as
an equal. Hey, maybe Nigel's not so dumb after all!

Don't fret! We're giving away autographed full color photocopy
portraits of Nigel Puddingporne to five subscribers picked at 
random. The winners are:

1. stormyones
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If one of these is your e-mail name, send us your mailing
address and we'll send you Nigel! 
Mailto:agency@truthortabloid.com.
 

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Are the following headlines Truth Or Tabloid!?
(scroll down for answers)
--------------------------------------------------------------
 

 1. Pollster Finds--
    1 In 10 Women And 2 In 10 Men Have Dreamed Of George W.
    Bush During Sleep.

 2. Meat Lovers Rejoice.
    Tofu Makes You Stupid!

 3. Mmmmm...Good...
    Restaurant Features Petting Zoo To Attract Easter Diners.
 

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 4. Miami "Relatives" Claim--
    6-Year-Old Elian Gonzalez Has Been Replaced By An Imposter.

 5. Scientist Confirms Some People Are "Born To Eat Sweets."

 6. In Antarctica, Scientists Use Refrigerators To STOP Food
    From Freezing.
 

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And Now For The CORRECT ANSWERS To This Week's Truth Or Tabloid!
 

 1. TABLOID. That would be following the party line a little too
    far.

 2. TRUE. Chow down, steak fans! According to a just-published
    study by the Hawaii Center for Health Research, men who ate
    the most tofu during their mid-40s to mid-60s showed the most
    signs of mental deterioration 30 years later. The consumption
    of tofu two or more times a week was detrimental to brain 
    function. And the more tofu eaten, the greater the likelihood
    of mental decline, according to lead researcher Dr. Lon White.
    Study tracked the health of over 4,500 men beginning in 1965 
    (source: Journal of the American College of Nutrition).

 3. TRUTH. The battle for Easter brunch customers is so fierce
    that restaurants are resorting to extreme measures. In 
    Portland, Oregon, the Sheraton Airport hotel decided to
    attract hungry diners with a live petting zoo. After 
    visiting a 30-foot long buffet, eager eaters could pet a
    pony in a makeshift corral. Also present were ducklings,
    wild cats in cages, a big turtle and a blind kangaroo. One
    thousand people attended, five times the number fed on a 
    typical Sunday (source: Oregonian). Or they could have gone
    to the Rheinlander German restaurant and dined on the 
    following "delicacies": vinegar head cheese and blood-and-
    tongue sausages. 
 

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 4. TRUTH. As you probably know by now, the distant relatives
    who possessed the boy for 5 months believe that happy photos
    of him with his REAL FATHER have been doctored by nefarious 
    government agents. The actual 6-year-old Elian has been 
    drugged and is being brainwashed by Cuban agents with the
    approval of Janet Reno and President Clinton (source: CNN).
    Suggestion: Don't plan a Cuban vacation after these guys
    take over from Castro.

 5. TRUTH. On an even lighter note, researchers have located the
    chromosome carrying the so-called sweet-tooth gene in mice. 
    The area, called chromosome 4, "plays a prominent role in 
    sweet perception in mice and, most likely, humans," 
    according to Gary Beauchamp, director of the Monell Chemical
    Senses Center in Philadelphia. The gene is responsible for 
    an individual's love or dislike of sweets and could even 
    lead to tailor-made sweets (source: paper presented at 
    American Chemical Society annual meeting).

 6. TRUTH. With temperatures in Antartica plummeting as low as
    minus 70 degrees Fahernheit, scientists there keep food UN-
    frozen in refrigerators. The insulation that keeps warm 
    temperatures at bay in mild climates has the opposite 
    effect way, way down under (source: Terra Incognita, by
    Sara Wheeler. Published by Modern Library, 1999). 
 

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Nigel's Comments

"Cut me some slack on the dream girl, okay? One more slice
of tofu pizza and it probably woulda been Joan Rivers!"

                 --Nigel Puddingporne.
 

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                mailto:nigel@gophercentral.com
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